I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
