Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
