She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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