dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
