last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will be naked everywhere
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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