Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
