he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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