Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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