Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize