Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
