Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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