the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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