Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
