my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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