I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
