Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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