Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
