Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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