U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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