I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
