I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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