my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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