I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
