pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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