When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't deserve a penis
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
