I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
