Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
