Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
