i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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