My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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