I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
