Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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