i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize