cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
