There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
