I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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