True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
