I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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