His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
