I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
