Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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