I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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