my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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