He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better