Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND