Apparently you make a good broom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."