ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
