I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says