Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
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They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?