She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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