how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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