I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All the doctor said was why
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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