Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
