You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
