May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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