She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
