I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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