And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
