apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
now i know why i became what i already was.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
