my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
