I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
