Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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