Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
