i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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