Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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