Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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