hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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