I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
PANTIES FOUND
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
