i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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