so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
