"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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