another moral hangover. fuck.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
