; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
