Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
