I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
