Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
