i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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