So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
