She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
