My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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