i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize