So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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