i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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