Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
