RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
