i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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