So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
