um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
