I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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